(It’s nice to read; I had forgotten how much I enjoy it.)

I like Claudia. Not that she is selfish and will do whatever it takes to survive, but that she knows who she is and is driven to learn more about herself. Aren’t most of us selfish and intent on doing what is best for us, even if that is defined by a mandate from God? If we determine that we are here to help others, does that make us selfishly fulfilling ourselves when we carry out our purpose? (I am sure I have read that somewhere before; I know it is not an orignal thought of mine.)

Not that she is determined and stubborn, but that she is true to her self-defined purpose. “You’re either in or in the way.” -Ozzy Osbourne. She knows what she is and doesn’t deny it or apologize for it. Claudia embraces who she is, powerless to change it, thereby free to really live. She is not constantly struggling to change herself, but instead pushing forward to evolve into an understanding of life. We all need to have a purpose, and it can’t be to just eat (satisfy the flesh?) and avoid the sun (Son?). Vampire struggles are human struggles. (I know… I’m catching up.)

Not that she loves for the right reasons, but that she does so without the fear of rejection. She goes with her impulses and then later studies why she has such impulses, but doesn’t linger on regrets, only damage control. I like that. She and the man she loves are on the inside; all others are on the outside – that is a fundamental and unchangeable law, so there is no worry that it can be violated. Interaction and interference is controllable and only food for thought (pardon the pun).

Anyway, I guess this just goes to show that we can learn about ourselves in anything that we will allow to teach us.

I am grateful for time to think and read and write. I miss my own companion like air. It’s like alcohol or drugs. They make us see and experience things differently than we normally would, but when that journey is over, we don’t want the opportunity to present itself again. I am stronger than I think I am, but I am also weaker – right now, hiding from the sun and not wanting to eat.