just Beth

What are you doing right now and are you enjoying it? Are you currently satisfied being where you are? Or both? Where are you going? Do you see how your current activities and interests lead to other things? That during a season you are fulfilled, but then you reach for more or different? Have you thought about it?

I have found that when I’m relaxed and in a groove I will enjoy it for a time, but I eventually want something new to do. Then, after changing gears and being busier and more productive, I long for some down time. (Down time is productive too though; we just have to give ourselves permission to accept it!) I am happy and very grateful that I enjoy my professional and educational life – meeting and conversing with new people on campus and online, working on my database labs and participating in class discussions, even helping my son and daughter with their school work and life in general – but after a while, I need to get away for alone and quiet time so that I can recharge.

I have gone through this in seasons of my life too, not just in daily or weekly activities. After I received my associate’s degree years ago, I worked as a systems analyst for 14 years and loved it. I left that life to run my own business and home-school my children for about 10 years. Now I am at school again with two new career focuses, basically starting a new life back in my hometown, and loving every minute of it.

I used to think that getting the “itch” to improve my life or just move on to something new meant that what I had done in the past was somehow inadequate, or I had lost the meaning in my current “place,” but that’s not it at all. What it means is I am continuing to learn and improve my life and myself, and I am continually evolving into who I am. We all are.

No matter where we are or what we are doing, we are not finished and never will be. I watch my parents in their 80s and see their continued transformation and influence on others. In being given the amazing opportunity to discuss my parents’ lives with them, I am able to see the meaning in our experiences, no matter how insignificant or negative they may appear to be at the time. I am encouraged that what is current, is meaningful and productive, but even more than that, it is a solid foundation for a future that will be even more rewarding.

Seasons change, and there is a time for, and meaning in, everything. What are you doing with your life right now? Do you see who you are now as compared with your identity many or a few years back? And, back to the questions I asked at first, where are you going, or are you currently satisfied being where you are, or both? Do you see how your current activities and interests are leading to other things?

Discussions going on here.

My new job with DeVry, even though I haven’t started it yet, will involve blogging and so much more. I can’t wait to head to the Olympic Training Center in Colorado Springs with some people who I can already tell are going to be awesome to work with and to build positive relationships with. One of them just graduated from Keller yesterday and I feel very blessed to be meeting her soon. I am sure that we will all work well as a team and will enhance each others’ lives as we work to be the face of the DriVen Class.

Anyway, this is my first blog entry using just the iPad and a new app I just installed today. I am really enjoying learning how to use technology to reach out and communicate with others. I am also in the process of learning how to schedule and budget my time so that I am not feeling like because my devices are always with me that I have to always be using them to “work!”

Look out world, here I come!

Blogging is more fun when done together!

Kim and I are having a blast tweaking our blogs, linking to each other, setting up our social networking apps, helping and challenging each other along the way (there is a little friendly competition going on here) and learning new coding tricks. (Dawgs are good at learning new tricks, and this one is an excellent teacher as well!)

In this process I have noticed that blogging is like buying a car – you can be together every step of the way, but only one person can drive at the time… well, at least if you don’t want to end up with a disaster on your hands!

I recommend blogging for anyone who feels any pull towards it whatsoever. For me, it is very nice to be along for the ride. The scenery is ever-changing and frequently exhilarating, the experiences are completely controllable, and the company is beyond pleasant. One warning though – learning about yourself is inevitable.

(It’s nice to read; I had forgotten how much I enjoy it.)

I like Claudia. Not that she is selfish and will do whatever it takes to survive, but that she knows who she is and is driven to learn more about herself. Aren’t most of us selfish and intent on doing what is best for us, even if that is defined by a mandate from God? If we determine that we are here to help others, does that make us selfishly fulfilling ourselves when we carry out our purpose? (I am sure I have read that somewhere before; I know it is not an orignal thought of mine.)

Not that she is determined and stubborn, but that she is true to her self-defined purpose. “You’re either in or in the way.” -Ozzy Osbourne. She knows what she is and doesn’t deny it or apologize for it. Claudia embraces who she is, powerless to change it, thereby free to really live. She is not constantly struggling to change herself, but instead pushing forward to evolve into an understanding of life. We all need to have a purpose, and it can’t be to just eat (satisfy the flesh?) and avoid the sun (Son?). Vampire struggles are human struggles. (I know… I’m catching up.)

Not that she loves for the right reasons, but that she does so without the fear of rejection. She goes with her impulses and then later studies why she has such impulses, but doesn’t linger on regrets, only damage control. I like that. She and the man she loves are on the inside; all others are on the outside – that is a fundamental and unchangeable law, so there is no worry that it can be violated. Interaction and interference is controllable and only food for thought (pardon the pun).

Anyway, I guess this just goes to show that we can learn about ourselves in anything that we will allow to teach us.

I am grateful for time to think and read and write. I miss my own companion like air. It’s like alcohol or drugs. They make us see and experience things differently than we normally would, but when that journey is over, we don’t want the opportunity to present itself again. I am stronger than I think I am, but I am also weaker – right now, hiding from the sun and not wanting to eat.

I have been extremely busy with school and having a real life lately, which is a very good thing, but I have been neglecting my writing.  Let the procrastination continue… or procrastination avoidance; both seem accurate depending on how I look at it or maybe my mood.

I am looking for employment now and constantly seem to be updating my resume.  Also for my job search I am attempting to come up with a personal business card, complete with a slogan, which has me doing even more self-analysis.  I always want to write when I am back in the self-analysis mode, my skills, my education, my life.  Me. Me. Me.  Ugh.  It’s kinda like dieting – the more you want to avoid food the more you find yourself thinking about it.  I have learned so much about myself over the last couple of years, but I have also learned that I can be very selfish and self-absorbed, thinking I was just the opposite.  I find myself wondering more and more if I see reality, or do I just make it up as I go along?  Well, no time to philosophize right now, but I am sure I’ll have many more conversations with myself about myself soon.

Time to finish up this business card.  I like swords, but images associated with violence may not represent me accurately, as least not as far as how I would like potential employers to see me anyway.  And that brings me to – how much of myself is it OK to reveal on a public blog?  Ha ha.  Meh.  I’m probably giving too much thought again to my self-importance… wait, that’s the very definition of the word.  Can you say circular obsession?  Whosh…

# of I’s in this post = 21
# of myself’s = 6
I guess it is all about me.  … attempting to remedy that … please stay tuned.

My fascination with this “playground of anachronism” started when I was looking for a shirt with wings on it on ThinkGeek.com. I found one that said “Steampunk Angel” with really cool mechanical wings complete with a pressure gauge. Not wanting to purposefully invite abuse to myself by either having an insult printed on my chest (some people do those kinds of things), or by not being able to answer should someone actually read my shirt and probe me as to what it meant, I looked it up.

According to the Urban Dictionary, which everyone who is anyone knows is where to go to find the real meanings of things and maybe also the definition of life itself,

Steampunk is a subgenre of fantasy and speculative fiction that came into prominence in the 1980s and early 1990s. The term denotes works set in an era or world where STEAM POWER is still widely used—usually the 19th century, and often set in Victorian era England—but with prominent elements of either science fiction or fantasy, such as fictional technological inventions like those found in the works of H. G. Wells and Jules Verne, or real technological developments like the computer occurring at an earlier date.

OK.   Cool.

Today I found a blog that calls itself The Steampunk Home, which is pretty much just showing off the “style” derived from too many visits to the aforementioned playground.

I’m beginning to really like SOME of this stuff.

Nice room. Kinda makes my brain hurt, even though I'm not thinking anything.

$18K for a TABLE???? Do want. Looks like it may allow for more interesting activities than your normal everyday dining room table.

What is this? Looks a little scary. Probably goes with the table.

Cool light... I mean, lights. :p

Computers, since that is what life always has been and always will be about. Interesting concept since an oil lamp is necessary for lighting at this point. Glossy or matte?

Steampunk? Maybe. Creepy? Definitely.

Well, as long as I’m not being graded on them.

There is something about being able to get an answer through a series of yes or no questions.   I like making things simple, especially lately.  You can even throw a maybe in there occasionally.   I like testing for infinite loops too.  There’s something appealing about never dying after all.  But then again, that brings back memories of killing processors.  Let’s hope our brains won’t overheat as quickly, and some of us can’t process things too fast anyway.

/random_saturday_morning_thoughts

I was just posting on a MacRumors forum about what I would want on my tombstone (the brick, not the pizza) when I died, and it got me to thinking.  (Yes, we geeks talk about all sorts of fun and uplifting things.)

Strange though it may be, some people actually enjoy wandering through graveyards (I like that word better than cemetery) and mausoleums and reading the epitaphs. My parents go to cemeteries everywhere they travel, and far be it for me to want to deny such an enlightening and useful pleasure to them.  (just kidding around Mom and Dad!)  Also, there are many other living people who want to have a specific location to “visit” the resting places of their dearly departed. Because of all this, I would prefer that, if I were to be cremated, which I won’t be.  (Or, if I am, I won’t know about it, which is fine too.), I would not want my ashes on anyone’s mantle (kind of gross) or scattered or anything like that. I don’t really care where I’m planted, and I don’t even care about a casket or a vault – dust to dust and all that. For health reasons (of the living), however, these are necessary.

Now, I’ve never really been big on words (but that seems to be changing lately), so I would prefer to just have the dates of my birth and death, my name I guess, although I think “Red” would be better, and it would be nice to have Excalibur stuck somewhere in it too.

One person said that he was going to donate his body to the Bodyworks exhibit, which I had not thought of before.  Being stuffed or mummified might be fun, live on in a pyramid or something.  I have always wanted to live in a mansion.  (Of course, God promises me one of those, so that will happen for sure.)  I have considered the options of donating my body to science and/or organ donation, but I don’t think my parents would like that. I’ll wait until I bury them before I decide with any finality.

This has been fun.

I just noticed that my favorite soy protein company is promoting Dr. Christiane Northrup’s book “Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom.”  Revival Soy is a company promoted by Pat Robertson (CBN and The 700 Club) and has been mentioned on his show and his web site probably hundreds of times.  My issue is that Dr. Northrup’s favorite charities page lists Planned Parenthood.

I have no doubt that her book is informative and full of wisdom for today’s woman.  It is probably a literal Godsend to women who have health issues, and I would like to read it myself, even though I think I am pretty well-educated when it comes to my health.

So, what would you do?  I have nothing against learning information from people who support causes with which I disagree.  I believe everyone has something to contribute, and we can all learn from each other, we must really.  However, there is no telling how much money she contributes to Planned Parenthood, while, it’s only fair to mention, also contributing to very worthy causes.

My head is not in the sand here, at least I hope it isn’t.  I buy products that are produced and marketed by companies with practices with which I don’t agree.  I’m just wondering where to draw the line.

We all go through things like this I would hope, wondering if we are doing the right thing.  I have been studying groupthink in my psychology class, and  I don’t want to do something because everyone else is doing it.  I want to make my own decisions about what is right and what is wrong.  And on top of that, I don’t want to do something silly or downright ignorant because I am stubborn and not willing to consciously consider what real impact my decision will have.

Don’t copy the behavior of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.  -Romans 12:2